I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
