She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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