believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
