im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
