Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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