I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
