Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
