No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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