Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
