North Korea, Best Korea!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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