So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
