I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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