JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
