$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
