how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
