She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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