Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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