I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
porn star boner night. come get it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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