Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
