now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
