It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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