He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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