My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
