Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
