He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
