this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
