I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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