Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
