So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
