Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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