I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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