I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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