I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
