Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
