im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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