So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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