Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
