Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if only i could text you this smell
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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