Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
