I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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