I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
