I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was born a porn star she said
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
