I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
