This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
