SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
