just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
