so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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