drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
