i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
