you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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