I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
