i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
